I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
