she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My vagina is very pro this idea
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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