i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
