Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
