May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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