she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
