apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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