I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
