Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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