When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Dicks are not precious.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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