the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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