I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
