He uses pillows to masturbate.
Too much gin, very little bucket
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize