i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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