I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
