I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
