haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
