i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
pray to the hookup gods
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