just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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