I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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