So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
