i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Also, beer. Big fan.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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