alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
