Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
