I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
and she was petting her beer can
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
