dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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