I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
