how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
