it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
