I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
