Who wears a wallet chain?!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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