im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
