ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Randomize
