WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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