Just fell off a train. Bad.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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