sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
