I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
