her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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