wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
