i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
