new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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