happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
