IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The adults are the big ones right?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
