I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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