i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
