drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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