When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
