You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
