When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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