remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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