I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
