I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Every concussion has its silver lining
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
