I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
