i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
