you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
