And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Randomize
