I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
