I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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