How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
