Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
