Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
