end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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