I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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