I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
