What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
