I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
