He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
