I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
