Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i think i have two assholes
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
